I was thirteen when my father ended his life by suicide. Back in the 1970s, suicide was not a topic families openly talked about and for that reason, my mother’s explanation to me about my father’s death went like this;
“Your father is dead.”
“How?”
“His heart just stopped.”
Her explanation for his death left me with a load of suspicion and finding out the truth became paramount to me. As the sixth of seven kids, I knew from experience that the older siblings always knew more than me. But, if I asked an older sister for the truth, I knew she would tell me. Indeed she did, yet her honesty left me reeling in confusion.
Even though my siblings and I shared the same tragedy, we did not share our grief. We didn’t know how to comfort each other, let alone talk about a topic no one else wanted to talk about.
None of the adults in our lives came to our aid. No one showed or told us that it was okay to be sad, that confusion was normal and that we might even feel angry. In essence, we were left to ourselves to sort through our emotions and find our own way to survive.
After I married and became a mom it seemed like the right time to begin understanding the grief I’d never understood, to face what I’d only tried to ignore and to put some order to the chaos in my mind.
As a result, I began journaling and talking with a few trusted friends. Over the years, I began to understand some of the events that led to my father’s death by suicide, my mother’s silence and my inability to grieve.
Finally, I gained enough courage to join a writer’s group and began sharing my story in small bits and pieces. With their encouragement, I finally wrote the whole story and with their help polished it and sent if off to Redemption Press.
Redemption Press is a publishing company that offers independent
publishing services with the project management style of a traditional
publisher.
Title: A Heart's Journey to Forgiveness
Author: Terese Luikens
Publication Date: November 3, 2022
Pages: 282
Genre: Memoir
For Terese Luikens, a picture-perfect childhood it was not. Frequent cross country moves, an emotionally absent mother and an alcoholic father who ends his life by suicide when Terese is just thirteen years old.
The sixth of seven children, Terese grew up in an unstable and chaotic household–invisible to her mom yet cherished by her father.
This heartfelt memoir documents the chain reaction of a tumultuous family history. From her stormy childhood to the far-reaching effects of her father’s suicide, Terese shares her inspiring journey to escape the shame of her past, find healing and live, learn to trust, and discover faith in a real and personal God.
A Heart’s Journey to Forgiveness is available at Amazon.
You can visit her website at www.tereseluikens.com.
